Preparing For a Good End of Life, Part I

The Routine Stuff

“The beginning of the end is triggered by a mortality awareness event” - Judy MacDonald Johnston

By now, you’re probably aware there’s a global pandemic going on. Don’t Panic! Odds are good that we’ll both make it through with the mildest of symptoms; that we’ll see each other in person, at a POST pandemic party (please STAY HOME for now. We can party afterwards. Pull out all the stops at a post pandemic dog party! I’d like that. But for now, STAY HOME!)

Yes, odds are good that afterwards we will high five ✋ each other ✋ with reckless abandon! Celebrating our survival! And ideally celebrating that handy reconfiguring of the economy we did while under lockdown (#RenegotiateAmerica #GiveMeJubileeOrGiveMeApocalypse).

But there’s also a chance we won’t make it. Or someone we love won’t make it. And we should be prepared for that.

Depressing. I know. If you want a more upbeat way of looking at it, Keep in mind that preparing for a good end of life and preparing for success in life follow many of the same steps.

One just requires you to also think about hospitalization and death.

Here, now, is Judy Johnston’s TED talk on basic steps for preparing for a good end of life. Check it out! It’s a good place to start, though parts of it will need to be modified to deal with awful circumstances raised by the pandemic.

But first, the parts that don’t need to be modified in a pandemic:

For a good end of life, if you’ve got assets and dependents, you’re going to need a will or trust, of course. Judy’s talk alludes to this, but doesn’t get into detail about preparing these documents. For that you’ll want to consult an estate planner, and check out this link.

Speaking of wills, as you think about your legacy, you may want to keep Footprint to Wings in mind. We’re a 501c3 nonprofit organization. If you have a passion for our mission, we’d be honored with your gift and will make sure carry on this work in your name. Feel free to contact me to discuss this further.

Estate planning aside, there are several key things Judy’s end of life talk (and others) brings up which are standard:

1. Make sure your loved ones know you love them.

Hopefully you’re already in the habit of expressing love to the people in your life, and this would just be another time to bask in the joy of each other’s existence. If there have been some particular things you’ve been meaning to say - now’s the time. And if there’s someone you’re estranged from, now is a good time to reach out. Take the leap. “Behind every communication problem is a sweaty ten minute conversation that you don’t want to have.” - Gay Hendricks. PS, more groovy tips for 10 minute love tune-up conversations here.

2. Reassure People & Make it Right

Spend some time letting friends know that, if the end comes, you’re OK with that. Unless, of course, you aren’t. That you’ve made your peace. Unless of course, you haven’t! This is no time to be polite. If things aren’t right - it’s time to MAKE IT RIGHT:

• This is the part where preparing for end of life and success in life dovetails. It’s about coming to terms with your desired impact, what you value, and making sure the good continues beyond you.

• Personally, it’s about the happiness and security of your loved ones, your legacy, responsibilities.

• For business and creative endeavors, it’s about your ability to delegate, franchise, have your creation outlast you, have a transition plan.

• In the end, you want to know that whoever or whatever you’re worried about is going to be fine. Your kids/spouse/parents/other are going to be taken care of.

  • Speaking of which, I am accepting names for backup adopters of Pounce de Leon in the event of my untimely demise. Feel free to send an email with your adoption proposal for his consideration. Here’s Pounce, relaxing at a time like this:

• As to business and creative endeavors, it’s time to take stock of what you’ve been working on and write up a summary for others to be able to pick up where you left off. Your transition notes. This process can be clarifying and calming.

  • FYI: I’ve been going through this myself, starting with Footprint to Wings. I was feeling anxious so I called some trusted colleagues and advisors, and we had a zoom/webinar to go over the mission and overall strategy. Here’s the recording. Check it out! In doing this, I feel reassured that there are some cool people out there who UNDERSTAND and will CARRY IT ON!!! That is AWESOME! I feel more at peace now: if I get struck down, the mission may yet succeed. Either way, we’ve got our work cut out for us! Join the Dream Team and make it real!

3. Letter of Intent

You might want to put your final instructions down in a “Letter of Intent”. This is different from a will, trust, or power of attorney.

“A Letter of Intent is a simple, non-binding personal letter to the ones you love expressing your desires and special requests. It may include information regarding burial or cremation, or a specific bequest of collectibles or personal items. While it does not typically have legal authority, it can help to clear up confusion regarding your personal preferences.”

Leave this letter in an obvious place for your loved ones to find. It will help if you communicate with them about the existence of the letter beforehand. Pick a specific friend/loved-one/advocate to handle the letter. And you may want to choose a backup or two, especially with this raging pandemic. Speaking of this letter…

4. Electronic Echo

You may also want to include the password to your computer & phone with your letter of intent so your trusted advocate can log in and send out last messages to your email list, and close accounts and such for you.

Pro tip: This might be a good time to clear your browser history.

Indeed, this is a great time to go through your stuff, online and off, and declutter, hide the evidence, highlight the exonerating stuff or, as Marie Kondo says: “Focus on what you want to keep. Cherish the items that bring you joy, and let go of the rest with gratitude.

Judy doesn’t mention this in the end of life TED talk, but it’s generally sound advice.

And now we come to the difficult part.

The actual hospitalization and medical end of life, and how to prepare for that in light of the pandemic. Judy’s end of life video and worksheets are a great place to start. But as we’ve been hearing with the pandemic, our health system is not prepared for this; for a crucial part of end of life - being able to have who you want at your bedside. And that is heartbreaking and traumatic for everyone.

I’m going to pause here, in denial of death for one more day.

I will return to this matter tomorrow. Ponder it. Look for ways to make the situation better. Tomorrow. “If I wake before I die.” Odds are high, odds are high. STAY HOME my friend! If you can. Mask up, wash your hands. Take as much time as you need.

Thanks for reading!